“Come then! If you’re so fearless, come at me then!”
“Fine, fine! I’m not afraid of you, and your fraudulent sword skills, you charlatan!”
“Tch! Bark loud, little pup… I’ll remove your tongue swiftly enough.”
A robe-dressed lanky man with a pointy beard and thick mustache, with round glasses and narrow cheekbones, turned away, behind him a large, tan, bald man.
“Come,” said the lanky man to the bald man.
The two then walked off in a poignant puff, leaving a younger, stylishly haired man behind. He was rather handsome with blue eyes, hazel hair, a smooth face, and a lean build with similar robes on. Beside him stood a stoic man, skinny and pale, with short blonde hair and a stiff face.
“Damn, that guy!” exclaimed the young man.
“Yes,” said the pale companion, “Lord Mchozulek has a certain arrogance about him.”
“He’s a varlet is what he is!”
“Milord Kaine, please watch your words. If people heard you say that-”
“Don’t care!” Kaine turned around with a huff, grabbing the sword on his side. “I’m going to put that rat in his place.”
“While you are a competent opponent, Lord Mchozulek is one of the three greatest swordsmen in the country. Defeating him in a duel to the death is no easy task.”
“Losing to him in a duel will be an even harder task. Come, Zalzabaum.”
Kaine sat in a vacant room, cross-legged and eyes closed. He inhaled slowly and exhaled intensely, focused and steady. His fists became slowly tighter and tighter until his knuckles were a phantom white.
“This country… a country of swordsmanship, where the best people are those who can swiftly gut a man… the country of Rogadre. The annoying lord, Mchozulek, is indeed a formidable opponent, but he’s also a pampered aristocrat – a bumbling, silly, narcissistic, over-eager, perverted, eccentric fool! He hasn’t been through the fire; he hasn’t climbed from the bottom, with the peasants, to earn his title. I have. I’ve studied the lords and all of their styles. I know his weakness… I know how to kill him!”
Kaine pulled his blade out of its sheath slowly, and like a butterfly from its cocoon, it shone with a deadly beauty.
The two lords stood in a spacious, green field with the clear blue sky resting abed above them. The lords’ bodyguards stood behind their respective master, anxiously watching with tight faces and mute, fidgety motions.
“Now, then, shall we start, Lord Kaine?” dared Mchozulek.
“Shut your narrow-lipped face and get on with it!”
Mchozulek’s brow twitched and he scowled heavily. “Tch! Eat those words in death, boy!”
The two stared at each other down, taking deep stances. A breath left Kaine.
“Where did he go?!” exclaimed Mchozulek, looking around wildly.
“Ah!” exclaimed Mchozulek, pushing against Kaine’s attempted sword strike to the back of his neck with his own blade. “Impressive speed! I lost sight of you there! It won’t happen again!”
With the might of many men, Mchozulek repelled Kaine hard enough to knock him off-balance and to the ground, hard. A flip, and a spin in the air, and Kaine was back on his feet again. The young man gritted his teeth at the smirking Mchozulek.
“Come now, ‘Lord’ Kaine! That surely can’t be all you have to offer! Please tell me that a Lord of the Great Land of Rogadre would be better than this.”
“I knew you’d be strong, you snot-nosed brat!”
“Tch!” Mchozulek scowled again.
“But I know how to beat you – I know your biggest weakness! I won’t be the one to lose today.”
“And what makes you say that so confidently, Kaine?”
“Heh.” The young man pointed to his left and, from behind an extremely large and wide tree trunk, came a haphazardly obese woman. She had a blonde beard with liver spots and pimples all over her face and body. She wore nothing; flaps upon flaps of fat in her midsection. From her armpits were several long strings of hair and was bald with lazy eyes, visually dull.
“Oh, Mchozulek! Mchozulek! Mchozulek! How I’ve missed you, Mchozulek! Oh, Mchozulek! Mchozulek! It’s been so long! So, very long!”
“AUGH!” Mchozulek recoiled in disgust, shivers washing over his body. “Y-y-you?!”
“Yes, it is I! Your ex-wife, Ydaldrut! I’ve missed you, my love! Please, allow me to embrace you and make love to you right here in this very field!”
“Get away from me, vile cretin!”
The ground shook with every step she swiftly took towards him.
“NO! AWAY! AWAY I SAID! DAMN YOU, YOU SHE-HEPHAESTUS! GET AWAY FROM ME! DO NOT! DO NOOOOOT!”
With the speed of a cheetah, Mchozulek sprinted speedily away from his lustful ex-wife, the two running off beyond the hills, Kaine and the two bodyguards looking on.
“Wow,” said Kaine, “for a hippopotamus, she’s actually pretty fast.”
“And determined to get him,” chimed Zalzabaum. “Maybe she wants to eat him?”
“It is a possibility, yeah. Wanna go back now?”
“By your leave, milord.”
“Hey, you.” Kaine turned to Mchozulek’s bodyguard. “You wanna come with?”
“Yes… yes, please.”
“Cool. Let’s go.”
The sun began to set, Kaine and the bodyguards began following him home, turning their backs on the poor Lord Mchozulek.
“AWAY! DAMN YOU! AWAAAAAAYYYY!”